Breastfeeding - Attachment Parenting

Most (I wish I could say all) parents want the best for their children. There is so much confusing and contradictory advice out there, however, that most of us don't know what to believe.

Attachment parenting is a philosophy that provides answers to the most basic questions you might have about parenting. You may be surprised by how straightforward and sensible the idea is!

The basic idea is that you should respect your child. If you always remember that your child is a fellow human being and that her or his needs are real, the rest follows easily:

• Respecting your baby
  • Don't forget: young babies' needs and wants are the same. Babies cry when they need something.
  • Never assume that your baby is trying to manipulate you or becoming a tyrant or that you'll spoil your baby by attending to her or his needs. On the contrary, a happy baby is a joy to be with. An insecure, neurotic baby is the most tragic thing on earth. This is what you produce by ignoring your baby's needs.
  • Just think about it: if you were starving, do you think other people would be spoiling you by giving you food? Would they be helping you build character or independence by withholding food?
  • I hate to mention this--tears come to my eyes even as I type this--but here is a good lesson: responding to people's cries for help inconsistently and only after the sufferer begs for help for a long time is a trick that torturers use. They know that this makes their victim dependent on the torturer. They know that it makes their victim insecure, clingy, and weak. Believe me, I know what I am talking about; people I personally know have witnessed this.
  • When "experts" tell you that you should let your baby cry to sleep, they are telling you that you should let a lonely, perhaps scared, baby suffer. When they tell you to feed a baby on schedule and ignore her or his cries, they are telling you to let your baby suffer her or his hunger pangs alone. Don't torture your baby! Babies are meant to be loved, not tortured.
• Breastfeeding on cue
  • This is something you'll do automatically if you sincerely respect your baby--if your baby signals that she or he needs to nurse, you nurse her or him.
  • It's also the best for you and your baby: by nursing on cue, you make sure your milk supply never dwindles, your baby never goes hungry, you reduce your risk of getting mastitis.
  • Most importantly, you meet your baby's needs promptly and consistently, which helps your baby to become a secure and independent person.
• Extended breastfeeding
  • If you respect your child, you'll continue nursing her or him as long as she or he wants to.
  • Most children will want to nurse for several years.
  • Extended nursing is known to be best for a child, both physiologically and psychologically.
• Child-led weaning
  • If you respect your baby, you will not force her or him to wean from the breast. Leave it up to her or him to decide when she or he is ready.
  • Children who are forced to wean experience varying degrees or psychological trauma. Some exhibit serious withdrawal symptoms. Don't do this to your child.
  • If you have to wean your child from the breast before she or he is ready (perhaps for some medical reason), first evaluate the reason. Get a second or even a third opinion. If you decide that weaning is inevitable, do it gently and gradually.
• Child-led toilet training
  • Parent-led toilet training is often a war of wills. It involves use of embarrassment ("only a stupid little baby would poop in her/his pants"), punishment and fear. It is not consistent with respecting your baby.
  • A little patience will make your life and your baby's much more pleasant. If your child shows no interest in using the potty, don't force her or him. It doesn't matter if your neighbor's child was potty trained at two years of age and yours is still wearing diapers at three. Your child will soon develop an interest in using the potty. If you are gentle and encouraging, she or he will take care of most of the toilet training by her- or himself.
• Parent-infant co-sleeping
  • Most young children want to sleep with their parents. Let them!
  • Experts tell you that you'll develop a terrible habit if you sleep with your child. Don't listen! All you'll develop is a child with no fears, nightmares, and insecurity. Your child will want to sleep in her or his bed at some point--all children want to grow up and be independent. Those whose needs are consistently and lovingly fulfilled can do this. Those whose needs are ignored become incessant attention seekers, and may never grow independent.
• Responding to baby's needs
  • This should be obvious by now--if your baby cries or calls you for anything, she or he needs you.
  • Attending to your baby's needs promptly and consistently is the best investment you can make to guarantee a happy baby and a happy family.
• Gentle discipline
  • Yes, no spanking, no harsh punishment of any kind.
  • Reserve the word "no" to important situations. When you do say "no", make sure you mean it!.
• Carrying your baby
  • Carry your baby as much as possible. Use a sling.
  • Babies that are carried have a chance to interact with their parents a lot more than babies who are abandoned in those little prisons that we call playpens or cribs, or babies in strollers.
  • Babies who are carried are also able to observe the world from a much more interesting vantage points than poor little imprisoned babies, or even those that are pushed around in strollers.
  • Breastfeeding on cue is a lot easier when you carry your baby. For that matter, attending to any of your baby's needs promptly is a lot easier.

Suspicious of attachment parenting? Don't be! Do you seriously think you will develop a good relationship with your mate by ignoring her or his needs, by letting her or him suffer alone? Of course not! Well, your baby is a person too, and her or his needs count just as much as yours and your mate's (except that the baby's needs are more urgent, and need immediate and unconditional attention).

You don't believe the "experts" can be wrong? Consider this: they Were terribly wrong about breastfeeding for decades before finally Realizing their mistakes.

• For the longest time, experts told mothers that they should breastfeed on schedule, not on demand.
• Experts told mothers that they should limit the time a baby spends at the breast during each feed.
• Experts told mothers that artificial infant formula was just as good (or even better) than breastmilk.
• Experts told mothers that colostrum was bad for a baby, and that they should withhold the breast for several days after a baby's birth.
• Experts told mothers that they should not nurse their baby for more than a few months.
• Guess what!? Every single piece of advice listed above (given by "experts" to mothers for many decades) turned out to be misguided. They have finally realized that breastfeeding on demand, for as long as a baby wants to feed is best for the baby and for the mother.
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• If those "experts" had just let mothers pay attention to their babies' signals, none of these mistakes would have been made! Yes, if those experts had tried respecting babies, everything would have been fine.
• Well, the experts have caught up on the benefits of breastfeeding and on how to do it right, but it looks like they are repeating their old mistakes in other aspects of parenting.
• Respecting your baby has always been the right thing to do to insure successful breastfeeding. The experts thought that they knew more about a baby's needs than the baby did. What arrogance!
• When the experts tell you that you should let your baby "cry it out" (because it's good for the lungs, because it builds character, because you need to show them who's boss, because otherwise you'll spoil them...), they are thinking that they know more about a baby's needs than the baby does. Are you going to believe them? Those poor mothers who believed the breastfeeding advice "experts" gave them suffered unnecessarily, and made their babies suffer too. If you believe the equally arrogant advice that today's "experts" give you, you and your baby will be suffering too.
• Don't listen to the experts. Listen to your baby!

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