Creative Succulent Puns That Will Prick Your Attention

If you have to think about it, then cacti can be pretty funny – in fact, we’d say that when it comes to humor they can actually be really sharp! See what we did there…?

Here are some of the best creative succulent puns that will prick your attention, including the best succulent one-liners, cactus jokes and succulent captions for Instagram.

Funny Succulent Puns

What do you get if you put wings on a cactus? One large, flying, dangerous cactus.
Why did the gardener love his cacti the most out of everything else in his garden? Because he thought they were so-cute-lent.
What should you never call a succulent plant? Fat.
What do you get if you cross a cactus with a cat? A much sharper creature than either of them.
Why do gardeners love studying their family trees? So they can get back to their roots.
What do you get if you cross a human and a cactus? A quick visit to the emergency room – and probably a couple of days booked off work!

Succulent Puns for Friends

What’s a cactus’ favorite song? Every Rose Has Its Thorns.
What do you call a baby cactus? A little prick.
Why did the succulent have to get anger management classes? Because he was feeling a little prickly lately.
Why do succulents have the ability to survive for so long without water? Because they don’t have mouths… How would they drink any?
Why don’t cactus plants talk? Because they don’t have faces.
Why did the cactus have to see his therapist? Because he wanted to get to the root of his concerns.
What happens if you cross a cactus and a venus flytrap? A higher chance of injuries in the garden.

Succulent Puns for Teachers

Why do trees have more friends than succulent plants? Because trees branch out.
Why is it so difficult to get any sleep around cactus plants? Because they keep you up all night. They’re such little pricks.
What do you get if you cross a household dog and a cactus? A massive veterinary bill.
What should you do if a cactus speaks to you at midnight? Call a doctor, there might be something very wrong with you.
What did the cactus do when his wife died? He planted her.
Why did the police officer arrest the succulent plant? He wasn’t sure, but there was something. He just couldn’t put his finger on it.

Succulent Puns for Work

Why are cacti the scariest plants in the desert? Because they’re talking dirt about everyone.
What type of animal is the most well known for avoiding cacti in the desert? Balloon animals.
What should you do if you find a talking cactus in your garden? Go to the doctor, you might be getting sick.
What should you do if your succulent plants talk to you? Get some sleep, you might not be feeling so well.
What do you call someone who just walked into a cactus plant? Blind and probably bleeding too.

Creative Succulent Pun Names

What do you call a man who just walked into a cactus? Dave.
What do you call a red cactus? In Dave’s way.
Why was the cactus green? Because that’s what cacti look like – oh, and because it hated Susan’s dress this summer.
Why did the cactus have to go to the doctor? Because they were feeling green.
What was the succulent’s favorite thing to eat after dinner? Desert.
Why did nobody hug the cactus? Because it doesn’t have arms.

Succulent Puns for Wedding

Why are cacti plants so prickly all the time? Because their wives won’t stop eating cookies in bed.
Why did the widow plant a cactus on her husband’s grave? Because she always thought he was a bit of a prick.
Why do brides throw flower bouquets at weddings? Because a cactus bouquet would hurt people.
What do you do if you see a cactus with three eyes? Shoot it.
Why did the gardener leave her husband and take everything in the divorce? Because their marriage wasn’t plant-tastic from the start.
How do you know what type of cactus plant you have growing in your garden? Well, how about you ask it?
How do you feed a growing cactus plant? With a spoon attached to a stick.
Why are cactus plants so good at math? Because they’re pretty sharp.
What’s the most difficult succulent plant type to kill? The Zombie succulent.
How do you know a succulent plant is dying? It starts screaming.
What did the gardener say to the reverend? Cactus what you preach.
What’s worse than running into a cactus? Driving into it with your bike.
Did you hear about the succulent gardener who turned into a junkie? He was caught spiking in an alley and it was all over after that
How do you make a cactus angry? Insult its dress.
What do you call a large, spiny, North American cactus plant? Sally, if you like.