Are you taking your kids to the Doctor? Many youngsters find a trip to the doc scary. Use these jokes to eliminate their fear and prepare them to handle the pressure of the event.
Best Doctor, doctor jokes
Doctor, Doctor! I feel unwell, like I might die. Is there any hope? Well, it depends on what you are hoping for!
Doctor, Doctor! I think I’m turning into a dog. Okay, sit down, and I’ll assess you. I can’t, I’m not allowed on the furniture!
Doctor, Doctor! I’ve got broccoli growing in my ear! It looks like you’re not eating properly.
Doctor, Doctor! What happened to the man who fell on a saw and cut off the left side of his body? He’s all right.
Doctor, Doctor! Help! I think I’m getting shorter! Please hang on and be a little patient.
Doctor, Doctor! I think I’m turning into a pony? Don’t worry; it’s not as bad as you think. You’re just a little hoarse.
Doctor, Doctor! I couldn’t take my medicine after my bath as you prescribed. Why not? Well, I didn’t have room for it after drinking the bath.
Doctor, Doctor! Every time I drink a mug of hot chocolate, I feel a stabbing pain in my eye. Try taking out the spoon before you drink.
Doctor, Doctor! I feel like I’m turning into a sheep. Oh no, that’s baaaaaaaad!
Doctor, Doctor jokes one-liners
Doctor, Doctor! I feel like I’m turning into a spoon. Sit still, and don’t stir.
Doctor, Doctor! I’m dealing with insomnia. Sleep at the edge of the mattress, and you’ll drop off.
Doctor, Doctor! People don’t pay attention to me. Next patient, please.
Doctor, Doctor! I keep hearing a ringing sound in my ears. Don’t answer, whatever you do.
Doctor, Doctor! Can you give me something for the wind? Try flying this kite.
Doctor, Doctor! I only have 59 seconds to live! Give me a minute, will you?
I went to the Doctor’s jokes
I went to the Doctor to tell him I suffered from amnesia.
“Since when?” the Doctor asked.
“Since when what?”
I went to the Doctor, who told me not to eat fatty.
I asked, “what does that mean? No burgers or bacon?”
He replied, “No fatty, just stop eating.”
I went to the Doctor today, and he said, “It looks like you’re pregnant.”
“That’s impossible; I can’t be.”
“You’re not. You just look like you are.”
Knock-knock doctor jokes
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
You’re right!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Colin.
Colin who?
Colin the Doctor, I feel sick!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
C’mon, you know my name!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
Exactly.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Ima.
Ima who?
Ima psychiatrist. I’m here because you won’t open the door.”
Coronavirus jokes
I know a hilarious joke about the Coronavirus, but you probably won’t get it.
A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “I’ll have a Corona, but hold the virus, please.”
If the government quarantines me for two weeks with my wife and I end up dying, I assure you it wasn’t the virus that was responsible for my death.
With all this talk of the Coronavirus, people making sanitizing gel are rubbing their hands together in glee.
Doctor, Doctor jokes rude
I went to the Doctor for my annual prostate exam. He told me to remove my jeans and underpants and bend over the table. While putting on his gloves, the Doctor said,” Alright, Steve, don’t get hard this time.” “My name’s not Steve?” I replied.” Yes, I know. I am Steve,” said the Doctor.
Doctor doctor, My wife is pregnant. Her contractions are getting closer, and she’s only two minutes apart!”
Doctor “Is it her first child?”
Man: “No, you moron! This is her husband!”
Doctor, how can I stop my nose from running?
Stick out your foot and trip it!
Doctor, Doctor, I flush a lot.
Don’t worry. It’s only a chain reaction!
Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps tossing me in the trash.
