Arr me matey! Read through this list of funny pirate jokes, they’re world-class, and even Captain Jack Sparrow would approve. Have some fun with your classmates and give everyone a laugh at school.
Pirate jokes one-liners
Why don’t pirates ever get a chance to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years living at “C”!
What’s the difference between a cranberry farmer and a pirate? A cranberry farmer treasures his berries, and a pirate buries his treasure.
What has 12 legs, 12 arms, and 12 eyes? 6 pirates.
Why couldn’t the crew play their card game? Because the Captain was standing on their deck!
Why don’t pirates take a shower before walking the plank? Because they’ll only wash up on shore later.
What do you call a pirate that skips school? Captain Hooky!
What does a pirate say when his wooden leg gets stuck in a freezer? Shiver me timbers!
What did the sea say when it saw the pirate? Nothing, it only waved.
How do pirates communicate? In an aye-to-aye manner.
Where can you find pirates who lost their wooden legs? Right where you left them.
How did Captain Jack Sparrow get his Black Pearl so cheap? He purchased it on sail.
Pirate pun pick up lines
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum” And I have a penchant for making silly drunken mistakes.
You look bummed, Captain. Can I help make the Roger a little more jolly?
Permission to fire my huge cannon through your small porthole?
Aye, Pirate! Is that a horn in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?
I know exactly where you can bury that treasure.
Let’s head back to the Jolly Roger and rock the boat.
Can I see the most sought-after pirate booty?
Your Jolly Roger ain’t the only thing you’ll raise tonight.
Arrrrrrrrre ye free tonight, say for bedtime?
Mind if my parrot watches while you board my ship, dear matey?
Lookin’ for some booty? Mine is well ready for pillaging.
Pirate drinking jokes
What’s the difference between drunken and hungry pirates? One’s a tumbling rummy, while the other is a rumbling tummy.
A pirate walks into a restaurant with a ship’s wheel in his pants. The waiter says, “Excuse me, but do you know you have a ship’s wheel in the front of your pants? The pirate says, “Aaargh, it’s driving me nuts!”
Why do pirates prefer to drink in bars serving rum instead of gin? Because they have mo’lasses.
What do pirates say to motivate each other during races? Rum bottle, rum!
Pirate knock-knock jokes
Knock Knock!
Who’s there? Garden
Garden who? I be garden the treasure chest.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Scally,
Scally who?
Scallywag ye lackey!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Turner.
Turner who?
Turner round, there’s a pirate ship behind you!
Pirate puns for Instagram
Why is pirating addictive? They say you get hooked when you lose yer hand.
How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg? An arm and a leg.
How do you make a pirate angry? Remove the p.
What’s a pirate’s worst foe on the high seas? Termites
What lies twitching at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous shipwreck.
What do you call pirates with two legs, hands, and eyes? A rookie.
What are the ten letters in the pirating alphabet? I, I, R, and the 7 C’s!
What’s a pirate’s favorite way to get some exercise? A plank!
How much did the pirate pay the jeweler for his earrings? A buck-an-ear.
Clean pirate jokes
Why was it so hard to get the pirate to pick up the phone? Because he left his phone off the hook.
Why do pirates love the Thanksgiving holidays so much? They get to carrrrrve the turkey.
What was the Captains parrot’s favorite game? Hide and speak.
Where do pirates shop when they’re on land? At tarrrrrrget.
What instrument did the pirate play in a band? The guitarrrrrr.
Why do pirates like playing gold so much? Because they’re always under parrrrrrr.
Pirate dad jokes
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter in the alphabet? AAAARGH
Have you heard any pirate jokes lately? Neither have ayyyye.
Doctor Doctor, why do people keep talking to me like I’m a pirate? Because you argh!
Why do pirates bury treasure 12 inches underground? Because booty is shin-deep!
Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching Netflix? Because he was hooked!
