By Wendy Wheatley
My husband and I never seem to agree on television programs. We’re like oil and water. Each night is like a battle zone of dueling remote controls. People wonder why we won’t sit next to each other but my husband and I know it’s because we don’t want an accidental elbow to the the chin!
When a commercial break is announced, we halt and our eyes are joined in a frozen glare. It’s the “Race for the Remote”. We stare eye to eye, his hand flexes and I break the standoff by stealing a glance at the remote control just within arm’s reach on the coffee table. He sees my sudden leap for the remote and springs from the couch in a desperate save to cut me off from the table. Guess who wins? He does every time and of course I’m stuck watching his crummy programs for the rest of the evening. No wonder I read most every night.
Well, tonight he’s chosen “World’s Most Amazing Videos”, which of course is just a rehashed version of “Cops”. (Not that I would know, of course!) Enough – I’m sure I can watch this program with my husband. He is my best friend, he would do anything for me, he is my soul mate – he is turning up the volume. Unbelievable. I just can’t win.
Did you know a human being could fall off a 12 story building and survive? That a poisonous snake in liquor is considered a delicacy in some parts of the world? That some idiot would actually rob his own home? Boy – that’s what I call amazing. I saw 5 police car chases, 4 auto thefts, 3 raging fires, 2 exploding buildings and a partridge in a pear tree.
It is beyond me how two members of the human race can be completely distant in their television viewing choices. But my husband is making it up to me. Next week he’s taking me to the Monster Truck Rally.
